Recently I was collaborating with a fabulous female friend of mine. We were discussing passive-aggressive behavior as we both found ourselves dealing with people who displayed this behavior and were in denial of it. She shared her revised definition of passive-aggressiveness: subtle tyranny.

Subtle tyrants never meet a situation head-on with honesty and directness. Their bids for power are executed in the shadows and are often tinged with a layer of helplessness and guilt. They play on our sympathies. Some use illness, for example, or the threat of illness to get what they want. They can’t express anger and often don’t even recognize that they are angry. They feel misunderstood.

This behavior can stem from overbearing parents or other authority figures who didn’t permit displays of anger, which resulted in repressed anger and ultimately in unhealthy passive-aggressive behavior.

Don’t allow the “pleaser” in you to tolerate this for prolonged periods of time because this will drain your energy. If you know people who are passive-aggressive, encourage them to express their opinions openly to you. If you are a parent, be cognizant of your behavior so your child does not develop a passive-aggressive personality because you stifled your child’s expressiveness.